Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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