Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
