these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
