Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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