I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
