the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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