Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I supernannyed him into submission
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
