I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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