I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
