If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
