He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
