he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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