This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is Oprah even human
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
