I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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