I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Randomize
