I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
