And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
