I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
