it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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