I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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