I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
