I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
