Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
