he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
