please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
