with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
