i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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