I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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