I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
