Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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