He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
