i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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