my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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