Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
