Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
