this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
