i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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