i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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