Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
