So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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