My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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