She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
