Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
