omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
