Im at strip club and am horny
I cannot find my penis.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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