i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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