when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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