Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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