Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
