I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
