so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
