Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
