I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
