I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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