I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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