i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
