Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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