hotel room ftw
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need to calm my uterus...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
