remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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