i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
