saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
