My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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