Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
