If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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