Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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