Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
