We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
