Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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