I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have fence marks all over my body
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
