She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i came on her dog
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
