this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
