Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
