we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
