Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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