We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
