Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
