my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
