note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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