Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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