I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
