1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
