Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I AM VODKA MAN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
