I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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