my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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